Saturday, 14 August 2010

Eye eye

"That's excellent," said the optician. "This is going to be a very quick eye test. Your sight is up to pilot's standard."

"Does that mean I'll be able to fly a plane after this?" said the pig farmer.

"Absolutely!"

"Funny, I couldn't before."

*drum roll* *cymbal* "Thank you, I'll be here all week, try the pork."

As it happens, my sight is degenerating. That's the bad news. The good news is that it's degenerating slower than it should be for my age.

I can't tell you how grateful I am to be a 49-year-old with the vision of someone aged 47.

After a good 40 minutes ("quick"!!) of lenses, computer read-outs, a strange thing that squirts air at your eye-ball, ever-so-slightly uncomfortable places to put your chin, the upshot seems to be that I need reading glasses.

I've ordered some of the half-lens thingies which will let me look sternly over the top of them should I hear something that displeases me, such as a failure of the hop crop, a drop in the price of pork or a new album by The Killers. I may even post photographic evidence.

9 comments:

moreidlethoughts said...

"...look sternly over the top..."
Ooh, Malc! You'll be joost like 'er Majesty! (Best hope Vicus doesn't read this!)

Dave said...

Welcome to the sophisticated world of the four-eyed.

rachel said...

Will the pigs take you more seriously with half-specs?

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I'm sure you will look ever so sagacious and sophisticated in your fancy new reading glasses but the pigs will think they are being raised by a mad professor.

Rog said...

I can't stand that blow-in-your-eye thing. I could manage if it was an ear test...

Frith said...

Good lord, I can't believe you made it so long without specs. I've just graduated from readers to trifocals. Hurrumph.

Richard said...

I've found I need readers in the evening after the natural light has gone. I have narrow lenses too and even though I'm on my own, there's still something wonderfully professorial about looking up over the top of them and I rather like the ceremony of having to get them out to read something while I'm out. Half moons next, I think.

The Birdwatcher said...

I have just sat on my glasses so have had to fall back on an old pair and boy has my eye sight got worse.

The Birdwatcher said...

I have just sat on my glasses so have had to fall back on an old pair and boy has my eye sight got worse.