Sunday, 7 June 2009

Pintus interruptus

I was settling down for what I felt was a well-deserved pint. Perched on the bar stool, I lifted the glass to my lips when the phone behind the bar rang.

Mr Hotel Proprietor had a kind of "mmm, aha, yes, yes he's here" conversation. He put the receiver down, turned to me and said: "One of your pigs is out and heading north at speed."

"Oh testicles!" I exclaimed and hurried out, jumped in the car and set off. A mile or so down the road, Squeaky waved me down and pointed to the field where Molly the sow was wandering around in an agitated state. Our neighbour Neil had put her there while Squeaky had kept an eye out for traffic.

Molly has been a bit skittish ever since she was taken away from her piglets a few weeks ago, trotting around her pen, spreading her bedding all over the place, digging enormous holes, but this was the first time she'd got the wanderlust.

As luck would have it, I had a feed bucket in the car and, although it was empty, Molly knows the routine and trotted happily after me as soon as I started rattling it. Tailed by Mr Hotel Proprietor in his very big Jeep she followed me the half-mile up the main road to the "farm" where I discovered I had forgotten to switch the electric fence on. Duh!

A quick scoop of feed and an armful of fresh straw settled Molly back down. I plugged the fence in and returned to the abandoned pint the phrases "insurance claim" and "new gate" rattling around my head.


Rog said...

I bet they get a lot of porkies in insurance claims.

I, Like The View said...

I'm not going to ask why you had a feed bucket in the car. . .

. . .but I'm glad you got back to your pint!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Holy Mary, mother of God.. I'm worried about the pint now. Please tell me it hadn't been left to warm itself in the sun during your absence?

Sian said...

Hmmm I can just imagine you as you leave the house for a trip to the pub "Keys, wallet, feed bucket"...... incidentally I shall be visiting your island in July so will be in touch and maybe I can meet you and Mrs Pig Farmer for a G&T at one of the local hostelries??

PS - word verification is rhoedino - maybe an island version of Rodeo? Yea Ha! Sorry - clearly I've already imbibed too much G&T for a sunday afternoon. Hic...

Dave said...

Jimmy: I think the insurance claim was for the pint.

Mind you, this is the Orkneys, so the phrase 'warm itself in the sun' has little meaning.

Cathy said...

Hello Malc
Who'd have thought Mother Pigs suffer from the empty nest syndrome - no chance I'm going looking for mine now they've all left home lol
Take care

Malc said...


Only if they're in a pickle.


You are clearly not familiar with the old Chinese proverb: "Man who has feed bucket in car need never try to get attention of dittsy sow."


Good point. The pint of Orkney Best was still sitting on the bar and at room temperature - a little warmer than I'd like for a bitter, but not bad all the same.


Great. Can you e-mail your phone number and I'll do likewise. There's a stool at Cleaton House with your name on it.
Is there such a thing as too much G&T?


Hang on. . . it was almost tropical this morning. I had my pully off and everything. Well, not everything.


Hi there. Not sure if Molly was heading up the road to join me for a beer.

Anonymous said...

One day, some clever bugger is going to collect the comments from all the best blogs and have a runaway hit with the "book."

For the record - if I read this before the sun's over the yardarm, I have coffee. Once over the stick, it's a glass of something stronger. (I usually read this after dinner!)

Arabella said...

You will get someone better than Christopher Timothy to play you?

Katherine said...

Nothing specific to comment on this post, except that I DO like your 'everyday' stories very much. It's the way you tell them. Keep 'em coming!

lettuce said...

sorry i've not visited for so long

lots of not very nice reasons for overly-busy-ness

do you mind if I shamelessly promote my latest blog post? which is shamelessly promoting a new charity project - please read it and if you feel able help advertise (or contribute in any other way) that would be FAB

fiwa said...

You've probably had it there for quite awhile - but I love the new header picture!

Glad you got Molly back safe & sound, and Frida is a very handsome addition to the ark. :)

The Birdwatcher said...

Agree with Fowa its a great header, and you took it outside your back door so to speak. Wither Pither by the way?