Thursday, 23 April 2009

Who put the oink. . .?

Pigs do not go "oink".

Cows could be said to go "moo", cats certainly "miaow", dogs kind of "woof", sheep have been known to "baa" - usually before falling over and dying.

But pigs do NOT go "oink" - at least, not in my experience.

Kim, our senior sow, would rather have her toenails removed than go "oink" like some silly pink cartoon character. It's a matter of pride, after all.

When Kim gives out, it's best to imagine a didgeridoo played by a particularly large gorilla. She's been doing it a lot lately.

My favourite pig is recently returned from a visit to The Boss, the pedigree Saddleback boar on Mainland Orkney. Kim really doesn't like travelling. At the age of five, she's more a cosy bed, big dinner and quiet stroll around the paddock kind of girl.

She's certainly not a load-up-in-the-trailer, drive-to-ferry, bumpy-crossing, drive-to-another-farm kind of girl.

We pulled up in the queue for the ferry at Rapness, the trailer rocking and bouncing as Kim gave it the full Rolf Harris. As I loaded up on the boat, people were starting to look.

It was a lively crossing, especially as the Earl Sigurd negotiated Westray Firth where the waters rush and swell to the south of Westray and Eday. I peered out at the trailer which was wobbling despite being lashed to the deck.

By the time we arrived at destination, her ladyship was looking a bit green about the gills and certainly not "in the mood". I'm told it was separate beds for the first three days.

Return journey last weekend was quieter, at least on the sea, although the trailer trembled each time a recumbent Kim let out a low growl.

She's home now in the pen next to Molly and the piglets and will go out into the bottom field at the weekend. Once again I'm treating myself to a few quiet evening moments leaning on the wall enjoying her company, much in the style of the Earl of Emsworth and the Empress of Blandings. Simple pleasures.


Anonymous said...

next time kim complains about her hour and a half boat ride to visit Boss you should enlighten her on the trip Dotty has to undertake to visit her man.

Starting at around 8am your end, Dotty wont arrive here at the stud till between 9 and 10 am the following day, she will spend up to 10 hours on a boat, at least 1 hour in the lorry and the rest hauled up in orkney docks with a load of sheep, cows and burley dock workers.

I know which journey I'd prefer

Amy x x

p.s thought your fingers had dropped off or you'd lost the ability to type, its been a long time since your last post lol

Rog said...

Hasn't "oink" got a pleasantly familiar Wolverhampton twang to it ? I've always found gorillas and didgerdoos are a dangerous combination.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

Thought you had run away back to the big bad city!
Poor Kim - not surprising it was separate beds for 3 days - have you ever had travel sickness???

Dave said...

I was going to say something incredibly funny about gorillas and didgerdoos, but it slipped my mind while I was reading the rest of your post.

Sarah said...

Who started the 'oink' thing anyway? My cat says 'meringue' and 'mum' quite a lot and my terrier 'buff's' endlessly.

Oh the joys of living on an island

Jimmy Bastard said...

The best sound of porcine to my ear, comes from when it sizzles and splashes in the pan.

Just a bloody shame to kill them though.

I, Like The View said...

saw an article on the news during the week about livestock rustling and thought of you all safely tucked up there at the top of the country on the edge of nowhere

hope all it well


Yorkshire Pudding said...

Rather than upset Kim with arduous voyages and all the associated trauma, couldn't you just step up to the plate and service her yourself? Just a thought. Then Kim might oink.

Puffincentral said...

Been having pc problems, so am a post behind! Glad you enjoyed the wedding: we were so pleased you and Sally managed to come. Your bizarre B&B sounds like the Fawlty Towers establishment I stayed in on my first trip to Orkney. It has to be the same place, hope, therefore, you didn't get food-poisoning.

fiwa said...

I did not know pigs growled. That actually sounds a bit scary - she's a big girl.

Malc said...


Dot is on her way - all safe and sound with Luke.
I just felt like a break and sometimes there's so much 'real stuff' going on you don't get the chance to blog.


Oink? You're thinking of Tipton, surely.


No chance. Me and cities don't get on any longer. I used to feel a little queasy on the ferry in rough seas, but I appear to have got used to it now.


We're all at that age now, my friend.


Meringue? Really? If only Esther Rantzen was still alive.


It's a terrible shame, but you're right, that spit and sizzle is one of life's great delights.


The rustling thing seems to be increasingly common. One farm even found evidence one of their pigs had been butchered on the premises. It makes me glad I live on an island miles from anywhere.


You've no idea how bristly her backside is.


I suspect it may be the same place, although the breakfast was excellent and, for all its eccentricities, we'll be making it a regular port of call.


She's 400lb of no-nonsense, take-it-or-leave it pig. . . and I lover her to bits.

Katherine said...

My sows always said 'Gonk, gonk' in a musical sort of interogative.

徵信社 said...

I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool.


Anonymous said...