Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum

It's wasn't so much the whispering and occasional outburst of muffled teenage giggling I minded, it was the thought that kept nagging away at the back of my mind - who the bloody hell eats crisps at two in the morning?

That was to keep me awake for another hour.

I was aboard the floating lunatic asylum that is the MV Hrossey, heading from Kirkwall south overnight to Aberdeen. I had settled in the "quiet lounge" where some of us were trying to get a bit of sleep in not very comfortable reclining seats that didn't recline to any great degree.

The pig "farmer" had boarded a couple of hours earlier and taken a stroll around the ship. Disappointed to find no game of deck quoits in progress, he retired to the bar for a nightcap and possibly to hob-nob with fellow passengers.

"Yer see, yer've got tae chin him afore he chins youse," said the 5ft 4in bundle of pent-up aggression to his new best mate who was doing his bit for cordial Anglo-Scots relations by grinning stupidly while hanging on to short-arse's shoulder to stop himself falling over.

"I know mate, you've got to stand up for yourself. You've got to be the man. . . the man!" he blurted, spilling his rum and coke in the process.

The pig "farmer" revised his hob-nobbing plan and sipped his beer at a table in the corner before retiring for the night.

The girl who had insisted on holding a lengthy mobile phone conversation with her (I assume) boyfriend about - among other things - whether she should have breakfast in McDonald's was silenced partly by the intervention of the other middle-aged curmudgeon in the lounge, but more by the fact we'd sailed out of T-mobile range.

An hour later the two lads at the back decided they were peckish, the rustling started and a troubled pig "farmer" drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming of Gary Lineker.


Rog said...

Perhaps your two potential ho-nobs were actually talking about Gary?

Donn Coppens said...

My Word how ghastly!

It would appear that you were trapped with the great unwashed in the bowels of the vessel. How impossibly tedious!

Perhaps next time your agent can arrange suitable accomodations above the fray in the First Class compartment..I can assure you that none of this riff-raff would interrupt the festivities or the subsequent beauty-rest.

Ya gets what ya pays fer eh?

I, Like The View said...

which flavour. . .

Dave said...

Mmmm... Hob Nobs.

Malc said...


Can't fault the stamina of the little one - he was still up shouting at the telly at 6am.


That's me told off for being snarky! I do reserve the right to be horrible about selfish, inconsiderate little buggers who deprive me and others of much-needed rest. And, yep, next time I'm booking a cabin.


I'm no expert, but there was a whiff of salt'n'vinegar.

Malc said...


With or without chocolate?

fiwa said...

Yech - that sounds like a trip I'd pass on. Hope the rest of it was more pleasant than that!

Dave said...

Without I think.

Where did you leave the bags of pig manure, by the way?

Yorkshire Pudding said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yorkshire Pudding said...

Were you wearing a sailor suit?
It's always important to dress appropriately, don't you think?