Thursday, 19 February 2009

Long John Pig "Farmer"

Listening to: this
Belated RIP: Lux Interior (The Cramps)
Good news: Another richly-deserved award for Elbow
Bad news: it was a corporate, credit-card-sponsored Brit
Speaking of which: did you see Seasick Steve at the ceremony? Denim jacket and baseball cap amid the suits and fat-arsed record company execs.

"Have you got insurance?" asked Dr Karl as he poked at the football-shaped blob that was once the pig "farmer's" knee.

"Why, are you branching out?"

A few days earlier I'd been looking up at the pig shed roof, wondering just how badly I'd hurt my back in the fall, whether I was glad my fall had been broken by a large pile of pig crap and whether I'd imagined that wrenching sensation in my right knee.

As it turned out, I had three jumpers on which had protected my back, the pig crap would wash out and, yes, I'd buggered my trick knee for the umpteenth time. I tried to "run it off", then a weekend of total rest while Sal worked herself to a state of exhaustion, but after two sleepless nights I waved a metaphorical white flag and went down to the doctors.

"You have damaged the medial ligaments. This could take up to six weeks to heal. You need rest and a little light exercise, but be careful on uneven ground," said Karl, more in hope than expectation. "Some farmers have insurance which would cover them."

I had visions of the pigs at teatime. . . "sorry everyone, my knee means I can't feed you, but the good news is I'm insured - see you in six weeks."

I promised I'd be careful and get help when necessary and Karl - a decent bloke and by some distance the best GP I've had - took the precaution of thrusting a pack of very strong, slow-release painkillers into my hand before I left.

So, I've spent the last few days hobbling about the place like a Robert Louis Stevenson pirate - minus the parrot, of course. Arrrrrgh!


Sian said...

Oh dear that's not good news. Wishing you a speedy recovery and Mrs PF a lot of energy. Saying "it could have been worse" of course doesn't help the healing process.....

Lindsay said...

I sympathise!

KAZ said...

'Elbow and Knee' - you should have called this post 'Joints'.
(sends sympathy to pig farmer XX)

Yorkshire Pudding said...

So sorry to hear about the knee problem. Being physically mobile is so vital in your current life. Perhaps you should join Hull City's Jiimmy Bullard and see a knee specialist in Denver, Colorado. If all bloggers who visit this blog put in a fiver, the money would become no problem. I volunteer the first fiver.

fiwa said...

What a gorgeous shot in your banner.

I'm sorry about the knee - that must hurt like hell. Be kind to yourself and do as little as you can.

sarah said...

Yeah i think seasick steve has been wearing those same dungarees since i saw him last year. were you at latitude too?
hope the knee mends soon

I, Like The View said...

poor you! hope the pain killers work and that it heals properly. . . don't put your back out walking funny in the meantime!

I purchased Seldom Seen Kid the other day - don't know why it's taken me so long to do that

fantastic banner shot - wow

rest up while you have the opportunity (trying to put a positive spin on it)(can't quite remember what Tom and Barbara did when faced with a similar dilemma - but I know they were)

Anonymous said...

If you do as KAZ suggests you'll be flooded with money from people hoping to purchase illicit smoking substances and when added to the Pudding's fiver you'll be right as rain in no time.
Hope you don't suffer too badly, Malc.

zIggI said...

heck Malc - hope it mends quickly and meanwhile take the last painkiller at night with a wee (or not so wee) dram - you should at least get a night's sleep then!

Malc said...


It could have been a lot worse. There was a concrete block right by the pile of pig crap.




D'oh! A missed opportunity. And all sympathy is gratefully received.


Much as I love the idea of people giving me money, I reckon if everyone who read this gave me a fiver, I'd have about forty quid, which might get me to Thurso.


Of course it's gorgeous - that's the lovely Mrs Pig "Farmer".


Now he's an internationally-acclaimed recording artiste, do you think he has a spare pair of dungarees?


Do you think I'm in with a chance of Felicity Kendal giving me a soothing massage?


I suppose a little something sneaked into a carrot cake would ease the pain.


I'm way ahead of you. It's a tried and trusted routine.

Dave said...

Sympathy of course, but what you haven't told us is what you were doing on the roof. And is Mrs Pig Farmer going to finish the job?