Wednesday, 1 October 2008


Listening to: Last Man Alive (The Levellers)
Weather: Greyish, kinda moody, a few bright patches
0-3 defeat: Normal service resumed in Wolverhampton
Thanks Rosemary: for pointing this one out

I'm barred from using the phone, particularly to call Rachel on 07930 550821.

Rachel works for a TV production company called Betty (!) who are planning a documentary series on people starting out as smallholders/farmers, especially those raising rare breed animals.

I know what you're thinking and I'm way ahead of you, but Mrs Pig "Farmer" has strong views on the subject, strong views along the lines of "over my twitching corpse".

I looked at Betty's website and they seem a reputable company, their past efforts including 'Addicted To Boob Jobs', 'Diary of a Porn Virgin', 'My Breasts are too Big', 'Short Angry Men', 'Desperate Virgins', 'Let's Talk Sex' and 'Britney's Redneck Roots'.

Can't think what Sal's worried about.


Geoff said...

You'd have to work on your farmer's accent.

I, like the view said...

'Addicted To Boob Jobs'
'Diary of a Porn Virgin'
'My Breasts are too Big'
'Short Angry Men'
'Desperate Virgins'
'Let's Talk Sex'
and 'Britney's Redneck Roots'. . .


surely it's more about what Kim and Molly would think. . .


Betty said...

Okay, you've managed to rumble what I do as a day job.

Our company produces very forward thinking television programmes for viewers with, shall we say, a very broadminded outlook on life.

Yes, I must admit, we are interested in the "special" relationship you have with your pigs. That angle may shock some people in the audience, but we're very much about breaking taboos and being at the cutting edge.

Enough said.

fiwa said...

They're probably looking for the smutty side of pig farming.

Dave said...

Didn't some Celebrity Get Me Out Of Ice-Skating show already do the giving-piggies-pleasure-by-hand bit?

KAZ said...

You know you want to.

Murph said...

I've seen Betty on Dave.

There, the secret's out.



I want to hear Britney Talk about Sex and her Boobs being too Big in her Diary of a Desperate Porn Virgin Addicted To Short Angry Men because of her Redneck Roots!

If by some unfortunate circumstance you get featured on 'short angry men',
I would shy away from using the term 'smallholders'.

Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

FirstNations said...

they're searching for the 'never troost a man what raises pigs' angle, you can be sure.

susi said...

Is this Betty a subsidiary company of "Betty's" the well known and terribly genteel Harrogate tea-room? I think we should be told.

Reg Pither said...

This is a long shot, I know, but next time you have a word with Betty, any chance you could get some of her old contacts for "My Breasts Are Too Big"?

lettuce said...

smallholding could be worse than smallholder

"greyish, kinda moody, a few bright patches" - sounds like teenagerdom in our house just now

Malc said...


Eddie Grundy or Duke of Westminster? Gert orf moi laaaand.


They're not bothered unless you can eat it.


Yep, it comes as no surprise to find you are the evil genius behind the company. Is Geoff short and angry?


They know me so well.


It was Rebecca Loos on Channel 5. One minute you're shagging (allegedly) the England football captain, next you're helping a boar get his jollies.


The exhibitionist in me quite fancies the idea (after all, why else would I write a blog all about myself?), but at least I have some editorial control over the blog. Plus, I don't think we'd be as interesting as they'd hope - Sal and I really like each other and get on very well - so no tears or tantrums.


You and your big mouth!


You're getting the idea! I don't think there's anything short (I'm 6ft and the best part of 15stone) or angry about me.


They're looking for a lot of stuff I'd never dream of giving them, you can bet your boots on that.


Somehow I doubt it, but another of their shows is BBC3's Freaky Eaters.


It would be a pleasure, old pal - but you know what the doctor said about getting too excited.


It was followed by a real sulk of a day today.

Mig said...

I'm concerned about Britney's roots. She should get them touched up.