Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Monday in the capital of the Highlands

Listening to: Sanctuary (The Cult)
Off the mark: Ireland at the Olympics
RIP: Ronnie Drew (founder of The Dubliners)

The massive tour bus had dropped the Italian tourists two streets away from their hotel and they were picking their way through the "Victorian" market in Inverness.

With their suitcases bumping along behind them, they sought to avoid breakfasters spilling out of the cafe clutching plastic cups of weak coffee and bags already losing the unequal struggle with the grease, workers hurrying to grey jobs in dull offices and the sort-of pig farmer on the lookout for a morning paper and a decent cuppa.

Oh yeah. . . and the bloke lying spark-out across the entrance. I think he may have had a drink. Not unusual if you live in a city or our house, but the Italians seemed surprised all right.

A uniform approached him, stuck out a foot and gave him a prod. "C'mon pal, you cannae sleep there." Nothing.

The uniform then bent down and gave Captain Comatose a shake. Still nothing. He got on his radio and mumbled something, maybe calling for back-up from the smelling salts squad.

The sort-of pig farmer decided there had to be a limit to his voyeurism and strolled away pondering the ever-expanding role of traffic wardens in UK cities.

10 comments:

Ginni Dee said...

Fess up, Malc...it really caused you to have flashbacks of your last blog post...didn't it?

Hey, while I'm here, I must ask. How do you know when you change ranks and become a real-honest-to-God-pig-farmer ? It seems to me that you are there by now. You've pretty much done it all! I think you deserve a promotion!

FirstNations said...

i agree with ginny! give yourself a promotion. i just visited our county fair here and i saw pigs. this of course qualifies me as an expert on who is and who is not a pig farmer. really. look-

are a farmer-YES
have pigs-YES
have farm-YES
pigs live on farm-YES
farmer lives on farm-YES
*begins singing 'circle of life'*

The Birdwatcher said...

You must really miss the smells, sounds and sights of the big city. Mind you I noticed quite a lot of wobbly and unsteady folk staggering out of a certain bar in Mallaig at breakfast time last week.

Murph said...

Many years ago I was directed to the "People's Palace" in Edinburgh when the Youth Hostel was full.
"Ye cannae miss it son. There'll be a drunk lying in the pavement ootside".

Geoff said...

Didn't he get him clamped?

fiwa said...

The last time I was at a meeting in Las Vegas, there was someone sleeping on the floor behind a couch, right outside the meeting room.

I hope the rest of your trip is a little better.

fiwa
PS - another vote here for promotion to "pig farmer".

mig bardsley said...

Once you've dropped the 'sort of' you can start aiming at 'the compleat...'

Newbury isn't famous for its drunks but there seem to be a lot less of them since the powers that be banned drinking in public places. They used to line the shop doorways in the main shopping street.
I must ask a traffic warden where they've all gone.

garfer said...

He probably wasn't drunk, just bored comatose by crap fiddley Diddly Highland dance bands.

moreidlethoughts said...

Yes, I agree with Mig. Maybe a change of blog title? "The Annals of a Compleat Pig FArmer." With 2 ens. Of course.

lettuce said...

can't help being a bit surprised that the italians were surprised...