Listening to: Trumpton Riots (Half Man Half Biscuit)
Isn't: rendering hard? The kitchen project progresses at glacial pace.
Gordon: just doesn't get it, does he?
No: Great Britain football team for 2012 (it's a long story and when you've got an hour I'll explain, but it's definitely a bad idea).
I squirted a bit out of the tip (steady!) only to find the bubble was still there. I fiddled around a bit, squirted again and that did the trick.
I looked for an appropriate bit of pony to stick the needle into. I made a hasty call to Mrs Sort-of Pig Farmer who was just out of the pool in Kirkwall (that Rebecca Adlington* has a lot to answer for). The shoulder would do, the vet had said. I explained to Sal that pigs were really my field of expertise.
"I have got the right stuff - ACP?" . . . "Think so" . . . "Not NCP, RAC, BNP**?" . . . "Very funny, you pillock."
Ted has, we think, a bit of laminitis. I should have done something earlier. Marcus asked if Ted was stiff last week and if he was getting too much grass (Ted, not Marcus). I had a look at the lad and gave him a painkiller which perked him up.
Come Friday, Ted could barely stand so we coaxed him into the stable and he seemed a little better, but by the time this morning rolled around, there was no real improvement. A call was made to the vet in Kirkwall, symptoms described and serious thinking done.
I nipped down to one of the general stores in the village, picked up the syringe, needle and medicine (just like you do in downtown Wolverhampton) and so found myself trying very hard to look like I knew what I was doing so as not to alarm an already unhappy pony.
Ted was good as gold, letting me put the needle in without the slightest flinch. He's now in a drowsy half-sleep in a big bed of straw. Fingers crossed.
* Rebecca Adlington is the British swimmer who won two gold medals at the recent minority sports festival in China.
** One of these organisations is an extreme right-wing, racist bunch of twats, another will send someone to fix your car when it breaks down. Careful if you spot Nick Griffin changing a wheel.
*************** And yes, I enjoyed the Olympics (especially when the Irish started winning medals for hitting people), but there's nothing apart from a firing squad that will get me to watch for the next four years cycling, sailing, rowing, hoss leaping or any of the other deeply middle class sports for the wealthy that are out of the reach of so many schools and a huge majority of working class British children who will never be given a chance to even try these sports. Elite sport stinks - because funds are all diverted to the top, for every Hoy or Adlington, there are thousands of kids excluded from finding out just how much fun sport can be, whatever their ability.
Thank you for listening - and don't bother to disagree, I'll only start again, because for once (and this is really rare) I know I'm right.
TUESDAY MORNING. . . sorry for starting an argument all by myself (must lay off the late-night cheese), but the sight of the (unelected) Prime Minister smirking away as the athletes came off the plane was more than I could bear.