Wednesday, 16 July 2008

It's only rock'n'roll over on Papay

Listening to: End Of A Century (Blur)
Back: home
Covered in: cement (I'll explain later)

Nearly exciting.

Sunday newspaper hacks have landed on our next-door island Papa Westray in the hope (forlorn as it turns out) that Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood would (wood wood? would wood? woodward?) turn up on the island.

I didn't see the News of the Screws on Sunday, but apparently the wrinkly rocker (old habits, sorry) decided not to go on the family painting holiday (!) and popped out for a few drinks. For most of us these days, a bender amounts to seven or eight pints of Guinness and a large plate of lamb chana with extra nan bread.

A bender for young Ronald appears to be going missing for a couple of weeks and getting prolonged jollies with a 20-year-old Russian cocktail waitress. It could be none of this is true - it was the Screws, after all.

Russian cocktail waitress is said to have family over on Papay. Yeah, I know - hard to believe, but it was on Radio Orkney this morning, so I'm running with it.

Consequently, Her Majesty's Press have found Orkney on the map, gone "bloody hell, bit remote isn't it" and turned up on an island of 50 people with no bar. Serves 'em bloody right, I say.

If Ron is reading this (could happen) then I'd be delighted to meet up in the bar of Cleaton House for a jar - and we can discuss just how bad an idea the New Barbarians were.

But Mrs Sort-of Pig Farmer says I've got to be home by next Tuesday.


ziggi said...

Ooo by next Tuesday you could get into all sorts of trouble :) that's very generous of Mrs S-O-TPF to give you such a long leash by which to hang yourself.

Betty said...

That Russian girl started out being 18 years old, then 19, and now she's 20. A pity they don't start knocking years off Ronnie's age when they report the story - eventually they'll be of a more suitably matched age for each other!

An art critic once stated that Ronnie Wood is the worst artist in the history of art, and, if he dies, he'll be the worst artist in the afterlife. If you've seen any of his paintings, you'll know this is true.

mig bardsley said...

Have you heard from him yet? Tuesday's getting nearer.

Looking forward to the cement explanation :)

Ginni Dee said...

I really like your Mrs. S-O-TPF...she rocks!

Not so sure about Mr. WoodWouldWooed tho. He could be more in need of a rockER! I can say that...I'm probably his age!

And what's up with the cement?

I, like the view, still said...

(and there was me thinking Ronnie might end up here)

happy Friday!

(chocolate offerings and various alternative whatnot edibles available chez moi today, if you'd like. . .)

(no pork products, sadly)

have a good weekend, if I don't manage to get back in the meantime


susi said...

Wrinkly rocker? At least you didn't say "aging Lothario".

If it's on Radio Orkney it must be true? Though, on an island with only fifty people, the radio hacks might actually have checked the story.

All the talk on the coverage of the golf open is of the wonderful weather in the very far north - as opposed to the horrible weather at the golf - so I am imagining you covered in sunscreen and wearing dark glasses as you feed the pigs.

elizabethm said...

If Mrs is looking after your pigs till tuesday she is truly a diamond among women.
sounds more tempting to me to stay home.

Geoff said...

More chance of seeing the ghost of John Laurie.

Murph said...

Malc...the New Barbarians was 30 years ago! Give him a break!

Anonymous said...

Which Stone was it that fell out of coconut tree (stoned?) in Fiji and thus buggered-up my friend's naughty weekend? (Friend had to work extra shift at the hospital)

Malc said...


He never showed! First Reg, now Ron.


I don't know about art, but I know what I hate?


Explanation when my arms stop aching.


He's in his late 60s, I think.


Chocolate very necessary yesterday - sugar levels crashed at one stage.


Sunglasses? If only! It poured with rain yesterday evening and today is grey and very windy.


She's a fine-looking woman too. I'm a lucky boy.


Does that mean we're doomed?


Maybe, but they nearly wrecked Knebworth in 1979 - thank heavens for Chas 'n' Dave.


It was Keef. And a naughty weekend in Fiji sounds terrific.

Malc said...


Yesterday's Daily Record's front page lead reported that the 18/19/20-year-old cocktail waitress had "fled" to the "Scottish island hideaway" of Papa Westray. I'm getting the notebook, pen and NUJ Press card out of the trunk and I'm off for a bit of doorstepping.