Thursday, 10 April 2008

Gunfight at the OK pig farm

Listening to: She Was Lookin' Back (Dr Feelgood)
Birdwatch: The sound of corncrakes near the house last night (not so much a 'watch' as a 'hear')
Pigwatch: Two days late - Kim's messing with my head.

The rabbit looked surprised. He had every right to be, there are few things in life as surprising as the sight of a trainee pig farmer approaching, armed with a .22 air rifle, still in his dressing gown and slippers.

Trainee pig farmer and rabbit - who had been enjoying an early breakfast in the sunshine - caught each others eye and held the gaze. Trainee pig farmer, uncomfortably aware that the cord around what he laughingly refers to as his waist was coming loose, hobbled very gently closer (knee still a problem).

Trainee pig farmer slowly raised the butt to his shoulder, quietly slipped off the safety catch, lined the rabbit up in the crosshairs, remembered his training, exhaled and squeezed. . . and missed.

The rabbit decided discretion was the better part of valour and took off - fair enough. Trainee pig farmer decided he'd probably be better off sneaking up and hitting the rabbit over the head with the air rifle. He turned to head back to tea and toast and damn nearly trod on another rabbit who followed the first across the top field into the burrows on the bank.

Tomorrow it's Spike's turn. . .


Mangonel said...

Spike's turn to what? Be shot, or trodden on?

Blimey, poor Spike.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

If one had shot rabbit ..what was one going to produce from it? Rabbit sausage perhaps ....will those piglets hurry up!

fiwa said...

It begs the question, what were you doing out and about in your dressing gown? I thought I was weird getting the newspaper from the driveway in mine... ;)

Go get 'em Spike? Whatcha gonna have, rabbit stew?

Anonymous said...

Know the feeling, I've missed three so far, if only I could get to within 30 feet then I would stand a chance.

Anonymous said...

Look at him - gazing heroically into the wind. My dad works on an estate (he is a servant HAHAHA) and the offices are in these little cottages in the middle of the grounds. Very nice place to work, I'm sure, except that his colleague brings his air rifle to work and sits at his window shooting squirrels.

This reminds me of a joke:

Father - (Finishing a bed time story) "...And so I shot the bear in my pyjamas."

Daughter - "That was very brave of you, Dad, but why was the bear wearing your pyjamas?"

Better luck next time...

mig bardsley said...

Let's hope Spike is good with an air rifle. I assume he doesn't need a dressing gown?

dinahmow said...

For some reason, I can't get the image of Tony Hancock out of my mind. (Oh, go and google it;I'm tired of explaining to youngsters!)

Dave said...

You might have better luck scaring the rabbits off next time if you dispensed with the dressing gown.

elizabethm said...

Loved this one malc. There was a particular leap of recognition at the phrase "laughingly called my waist". We don't seem to get many rabbits here, just hordes of badgers. I doubt I could hit them either. Hope your pigs hurry up.

Anonymous said...

Spike will win. My dog can catch rabbits easy as pie. Thank God she doesn't kill the pet rabbit, Rio. Goooooooooooo Spike!

Ginni Dee said...

I'm wondering why you are trying to dispatch rabbits? Are you over-run? Just remember that rabbits shouldn't be eaten when the weather is warm!

No piglets yet?? I can't wait!!!

Malc said...


Deliberate obtuseness for comic effect always welcome here!


Rabbit satay is very good on the barbecue.


It was 7am and, looking out of the kitchen window with mug of tea in hand, I'd spotted the two little ******* sitting there bold as brass in the middle of the top field. No time for clothes.


30ft? I reckon I'd need about arm's length.


The lad is having to wait for his chance. The rabbits haven't ventured out for the last few days.


Dressing gowns are for wimps, according to every Jack Russell I've ever known.


Hancock is a hero in this house.


Bit too breezy for that.


At least badgers don't break into the veg garden and eat everything in sight. Or do they?


Should your dog ever fancy a holiday chasing rabbits on a Scottish island, she'd be more than welcome.


There are no foxes and only the occasional bird of prey here, so rabbits are a real problem.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

C.mon ..where are these piglets? Our lambing has started a week before schedule ...apparently its my fault ...cant count 147 days from 19th November...meanwhile the straw delivery isnt due until back to the lambing shed ....

Ginni Dee said...

No piggies yet? Tell those girls to get busy. I keep checking your blog every few hours to see if anything has happened yet!

Maybe you're too busy delivering baby pigs to mess with your blog! (Fingers crossed!)

Reg Pither said...

Why is Spike's lead flying straight out in the wind and yet the shadow says its bending up in an arc?
Scary, eh? You weren't responsible for touching up the supposed moon landing photos, were you?

Anonymous said...

Discretion the better part of valour is returning to your tea and toast. At least, that would be me ;-)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

any news?

Malc said...


It looks like being the end of the week at the earliest. The sows seem quite happy to take their time.


Will alert you on your blog when the big day arrives.


It's amazing what you can do with an Instamatic and a couple of tons of builder's sand.

One small step for man, one giant leap for Photoshop.


You're right.Both were cold by the time I got back.


Nope. End of the week?

Donn said...

When you're done you can come over and take out my Raccoons...they're huge so it should be easier...and they're not afraid of people so they just sit there and give you the finger..which should make pulling the trigger a lot easier than it is looking at a little bunny nose twitching..awww they're so cute...bloody rabbits.

Anyway let me know.