Monday, 17 December 2007

Restless

Listening to: Beautiful Day (Levellers)
Weather in Shropshire: cold and grey
Weather on Westray: cold and sunny

I'm like a caged wild animal. I feel trapped, suffocated, restricted. I'm rattling at the bars and the end of the week, in some ways, can't come soon enough.

Now don't get me wrong, it has been wonderful seeing The Boy and The Youngest, some of my old friends and tomorrow night there is a quiet drink with my brother-in-law and stepson to look forward to.

But I've been surprised at how odd I feel returning after only five months to a place which has been my home for most of my adult life. That's the point, I suppose. It isn't my home any more. I haven't got anywhere to call my own when everything else is so familiar and, as a result, I feel detached.

I'm desperately uncomfortable with all the crap and bullshit that goes with town life. The noise, the crowds, the rules, the traffic, the expense. I drove onto Sainsburys car park the other day and had something verging on a panic attack when I couldn't find a parking spot. I met my brother-in-law after he finished work on Friday evening and the pub was heaving with Christmas party-goers. I had the desperate feeling I wanted to stand on the table and scream "shut the fuck up, you ugly bastards, I can't hear myself think".

So it's fair to say I'm homesick. I miss the dogs, the pigs, the sea, the wind and I miss Sal. She warned me I'd hate it here and, as usual, she was right.

On the upside, The Youngest and I enjoyed a homecooked Christmas dinner yesterday. Large amounts of everything (we'll be eating it all week), a box of Quality Street while we watched the Monty Python DVD she bought me, followed by late evening cheese and pickles. Yes, the dreams were vivid.

I had been worried about how she would take to me moving away, but she's been remarkably level-headed about it and she's reacted to my return much in the way you greet someone who'd just popped out to the shops. Teenagers. . . they have to be so cool, don't they?

9 comments:

fiwa said...

I guess that means what you are doing with the pig farming is the right thing for you then. I can see how the crowds and noise would bother you though, after so long away. It bothers me, and I'm exposed to it constantly. Enjoy your friends and family and hopefully the rest will fade away.

Happy travels -
fiwa

ziggi said...

:)
Teenages are both a blessing and a nightmare aren't they?!

Time to return to the quiet life eh - you lucky bugger!

Daphne said...

It would have been SO much worse if you'd found yourself thinking "Aaah, Sainsbury's car park, I really miss it."

nikkipolani said...

Crowded car parks have that effect on many people. Glad you have a quiet life to return to.

The Birdwatcher said...

Sainsburys carparks bring out the worst in me! I have just been banned from the Weasels (teenage daughter) school show thingy. She says I will embarrass her.Me! and I promised to take my beret off.

Dyna Girl said...

Weird isn't it, how the sense of home can totally render time irrelevant? Means you've carved out a great life for yourself in a quiet corner. Don't worry, you'll be there soon missing the people living in the noise! C'est la vie. try to stay sane so you can drink up the goods.

FirstNations said...

and now you get to feel smug in that you've shed the city. oh yeah!

isn't it great?

Malc said...

Fiwa

Yes, the fortnight has been a real wake-up call. I know I've done the right thing.

Ziggi

Happily my two are more blessing than nightmare. . . and I'm looking forward to some peace.

Daffers

Good point. Like your way of thinking.

Nikki

I've done all my shopping now and don't have to go to another car park for. . . well ages.

BW

I've told you the tank top and loon pants would get you into trouble. So stop it.

Dyna

Give me a month and I'll be grumbling about how quiet it is on Westray. There's no pleasing some people.

FN

Yep, I do good smug.

I, like the view said...

mine own and I had a spat the other day

rather a big one

so I cut the power cable to his xBox and then went into the kitchen for a calming fag. . .

. . .quite forgetting that he is into vengance and retaliation - he cut the power cable to my laptop

Teens, so clever and resourceful

(we made up about half hour later and laughed about it the next day)

Teens, so forgiving

(I've since visited every electrical retailer to try and purchase new power cables - Teens, priceless)