Tuesday, 16 October 2007

It was like that when I got here

Listening to: Going to California (Led Zeppelin)
Weather: lots of it
Pigs' breakfast: soaked barley, weaner pencils
My breakfast: similar, now I come to think of it

Since moving to Orkney, I've developed a real talent for breaking things. This can be a good thing. The big, concrete (redundant) water tank at the back of the house is now a pile of rubble, a sort of mini-Stalingrad, only without the rotting corpses and the clash of inhuman ideologies.

But, more often than not it works against me. Lennox the Land Rover has been passenger-proof for a couple of weeks now, all bar the driver and rear doors having jammed shut.

The washing machine has waved the white flag after nearly ten years service. It still works, but you have to coax the dial thingy round so it takes about four hours to do my boxers and socks.

The kettle is close to, as PG Wodehouse would say, handing in it's dinner pail. I actually have to hold it in place to make sure it keeps the connection.

The portable TV/video combi is playing up, my collection of spaghetti westerns and Wolves' finest moments (no laughing at the back) now being played out in a blizzard. Is that a cigar Clint or are you chewing on a piece of whale blubber? And the half the buttons on the remote control don't work.

I've even managed to cock up the display on this computer. It's about three times too big, so I spend most of my time scrolling.

I snapped my credit card, thinking it was out of date. It wasn't. My mobile phone appears to be full of soil and I've managed to break no less than four buckets in the last three weeks.

I can't draw any proper conclusions from all this, save that I may just, possibly, be a useless buffoon.

The good news is that the animals are all in rude health. The dogs enjoyed trying to chase some seals yesterday afternoon before realising they were in about 6ft of water, the hens are clucking happily, having a good laugh at their egg-less owner, while Eric and Ernie seem to grow by the hour, let alone the day.


Hannah Velten said...

Ummmm....what does work in your house? Glad to hear that you haven't broken any animals yet, though :)

I, like the view said...

it's at times like this when one realises what is actually important in life, and what is not

erm, actually cars, washing machines, kettles, credit cards are all kind of important really. . .

suppose you could manage without them

as long as the animals stay tip-top

*crosses fingers*


ps if you suddenly go quiet, we'll know the buffonery reached the pc!

The Birdwatcher said...

I break radios. We have a garage full of them. I wonder if its a conspiracy to stop me listening to radio 4. Would Mrs BW stoop so low?

Malc said...


Nothing much, frankly. The water has just gone off again.


I've reached a stage where I have no idea what or where my priorities are.


Know how you feel.Been there, done that.

I, like the view said...

erm, after last night:

light, heat, food/drink*, a roof over your head, protection for the animals

real basic Maslow Hierachy of Needs stuff**

once you get that lot sorted, a little luxury maybe?

(*am assuming alcohol's included in food/drink)(**oh yeah, but most importantly: friends!!)(and you have those)