Monday, 23 April 2007

It's a blank canvas

Listening to: Brazen (Skunk Anansie)
Reading: Update (monthly magazine of the Devon Association of Smallholders)
Avoiding: responsibility
Fuming: that was definitely a penalty
Drinking: back on the Guinness

The first prospective buyers have been around the house and the fact that it's for sale is now a reality in my head.
The agents rang on Saturday morning to say a young couple were in the area and wanting to come and have a look in 20 minutes.
"Fine," said I, suddenly painfully aware that I was in my boxer shorts and t-shirt with a severe case of morning hair (and breath, if I'm honest).
Having quickly dashed throwing covers over the dogs and the teenagers, the (very young) couple arrived at the door and were quickly being given the finest line in homeowner bullshit.
They had been to view Gary and Lindsey's house next door and, given that they have done a lot more work on it than we have, I found myself telling them 'it's a blank canvas'. Good grief!
So I'm now being enrolled in cliche boot camp where the crap soundbites and meaningless 21st century TV-inspired phrases are squeezed out of you.
"You worthless piece of shit, did you just say 'you've been on a journey'?"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Get down and give me ten, you pathetic excuse for a former evening paper hack!"
"Sir, yes sir!"
.....and so on.
Oh yeah, the couple rang the agents later to say the kitchen was too small. So, guys, size really does matter after all.

1 comment:

Reg Pither said...

I think your "special place" is normal sized (so Sal says). Don't fret.